you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
