i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
