It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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