yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
