I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
