Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
