I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
