do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
