Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
