got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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