Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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