I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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