So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
