I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
