I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
