Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
True strength comes from lack of pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
