so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
