Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
