We named our party play list daddy issues
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
