you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
