I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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