Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
