How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
