She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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