he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
