remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
