I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
