did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
