Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
