Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
