is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
