Christians are straight up FREAKS
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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