the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
