am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
