I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
