I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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