Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
