the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
