I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
