Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
