My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
