awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
