Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
