Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
