I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
