Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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