dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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