my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my vag is so smooth its legendary
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
