She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
