I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
