were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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