she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
